Is This Progress?

After my last post I have written the first line of the second verse as well as a few variations for the middle lines of the first two verses.

Again I was aware of the need for the end word of these lines to be effective and useful, allowing for continuity throughout the poem. I also tried to keep each line slightly open ended in order to allow a certain flow to the poem, as each verse is intended to push the idea forward, until the final quatrain sums up the point that the villanelle is trying to make. How successful that intent becomes is, I guess, the reason I wanted to show each stage as I wrote it, to display all the ugly, wonderful, mixed up ideas that find themselves on the shortlist for each verse. So here they are.

The first version of the first verse looks like this;

*Who we are and what we feel
*through each repeating day,
*has no truth and is not real.

I was a little worried about using the end word 'day' as it is rather simplistic. However as a rhyme word it opens up alot of possibilities for the coming verses and so I feel it must still be in contention.

The second version of this verse is as follows;

*who we are and what we feel
*as we progress and grow,
*has no truth and is not real

Again a rather simple end word imbued with numerous possibilities, but as yet I have no preference for either line. The progression of the next few verses will often suggest which line suits the overall feel of the poem, but again if anyone has a favourite please let me know.

So now for the second verse. This is where it gets a little complicated, mainly because I am a little unsure of how to present this next phase. What I've decided to do is show each version of the first two verses and then hopefully you can let me know which you all prefer and I will build the poem up from the favoured, initial foundations. This is how it would look.

Version 1

*Who we are and what we feel
*through each repeating day,
*has no truth and is not real,

*has no reward or grand reveal
*to help us on our way.
*Who we are and what we feel

For now ignore the last line of verse two as that repetition is used as enjambement, and relies on the following line to make any sense, instead, for now it's best to focus on the three new lines and how they can be embelished and added to in later verses. So here's the alternative.

Version 2

*Who we are and what we feel
*as we progress and grow,
*has no truth and is not real

*has no reward or grand reveal
*to explain what we can't know.
*Who we are and what we feel.

So that's as far as I've got. Hopefully I'll have both versions of verse three written in the next day or two, but in the mean time please let me know which version you prefer.